Back in the saddle… or is it the stirrups?

I had my first, newly renamed, “Process Improvement & Effectiveness Meeting” of 2005 today. It was a good meeting, with good input from BT. He authorized proceeding with the change I want to make to the status field in the issue form, after I check with Helen and Mark to be sure that they are not using that field either. I worked with Govind and Janette (in Toronto) on getting their SDD1 into QMX. We got as far as they were ready to go, and scheduled to pick back up with it tomorrow morning at 8AM.

I left work at about 5:10, and as I was getting out of my car, I saw that Lars was getting out of his, right next to mine. We hugged (I like that about him — secure in his masculinity and sexual orientation so as to not be at all uncomfortable hugging a gay guy), and he invited me over to Bruegger’s to grab a bagel. I got a pumpernickel one with light cream cheese — my favorite. 7 points on Weight Watchers. Counting as 3 of my carb allowances and two of the fats on Nutrisystem. Oh wait. He paid for it. So it’s part of the “Deniet(TM).” If someone else pays for what you eat, it has no calories.

We were in class for 10 minutes or so, during which Dr. Dicks told us about Morae, the new software that is installed in the Usability Lab. After that, we turned in our Inquiry Usability Reports as we exited en masse to walk to the library for our Usability Lab Tour.

A friend of mine told me today that he is going to have a vasectomy. As he described to me what his doctor described to him, it educated me on how things have changed in almost 20 years. I got my vasectomy when I was 29. I had been married for 9 years, and they still gave me the hardest (no pun intended) time, in terms of consent, before they’d do the procedure. “Are you sure you want to do this”, they kept asking. My wife had to “sign off” on it, and I think they even might have asked me if I had discussed this with my parents. I had it done at Duke. Nothing but the best for my boys.

That experience taught me empathy for the humility of women in “stirrups” for exams. Me legs were put in them, and then this sheet comes toward me with a hole in it, maybe 6-8 inches in diameter. The sheet went across my torso from about mid-stomach down to my thighs, and then my stuff was pulled through that hole. Give me the Valium now, I screamed in my head. Actually, it wasn’t the entirety of the stuff that was pulled through, but just the part they would be working with, if you know what I mean. Sort of like just the Prada bag hanging out, if you will. Which was a good thing, because by then, the other accessory had headed north, farther even than it did the last time I jumped into a freezing cold swimming pool.

One would think that that would be enough humiliation for the day, but then the doctor said, “Mr. Martin, if you don’t mind, we have some interns that we’d like to allow in to watch the procedure.” Oh yeah, please sit them in the front row with a vat of popcorn and a soda the size of a horse’s leg, I thought. More Valium, please.

They shot me up, and I immediately started to relax, though I was talking and my arms were flailing about. “Mr. Martin, you’re going to have to keep your arms still during this.” More Valium.

I have found this website that chronicles one man’s vasectomy in pictures. I think it’s very well done, complete with a warning on the first page, “Cross Your Legs and Enter (Squeamish rate = 1/10).” The squeamish factor is updated before each “next page,” to give you a chance to opt out of the remainder of the experience. I love the sense of humor in his write-up. It even has a navigator along the bottom of the first page called, “The Spermatozoa Goer,” which allows you to jump directly to later pages.

After class this evening, I cleaned and cut up a head of lettuce and a head of cabbage. I had a big bowl of cabbage, with some butter seasoning, malt vinegar, and salt and pepper on it. Yum. I also had a salad, which was also quite yummy. The raisins and the pineapple bits just make it.

Uncle Dennis called somewhere around 8:30, and gave me more details about the cruise. Their rooms are on the “Oslo Deck,” which unfortunately is one of the few decks that doesn’t have elevator access to it. This could be a problem for dad. He’s checking into exactly how many stairs we’d be talking about. My thought is that he can get off one deck up and walk down the stairs, to at least be able to avoid walking up stairs.

I intended to start on my “movie” web page for ENG 519 tonight, but didn’t do it. Since I only had four hours sleep last night, I was tired, and I need to meet Govind and Janette by 8 in the morning. I retired early for a change.

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