My voice mail light was blinking when I arrived at work this morning. On it was the following “message,” presumably from an older man at some kind of medical facility. His are the first words I hear, and they’re in blue. She is the administrative person, responding in green. The man sounds very “country.” Some of this conversation falls through the cracks, if you will…
I don’t know why they want to put it in the last minute. They put it in at the last minute and it don’t make no difference to the other minutes…
Interrupting, Yeah.
…for the next twenty days.
[long pause]
Let me get my cane.
That way you can sit better.
[short pause]
So what did they do?
Huh?
What did they do to your leg?
They going to, uh, put it up… [unintelligible]
Oh they’re gonna re-do it, huh?
Yeah.
Do you know how, uh, if everything’s alright with your leg and that, that’s nothing; it’s beautiful to do that.
And I need your license.
[long wait time, lots of background chatter by other people]
Okay.
Did that other girl have her baby yet?
No. She’s not here today. But no, she’s got another month or so, but she’s okay.
A search on the Reverse Phone Directory website returns this:
| We’re sorry. We did not find a listing for the phone number you entered.
The phone number “(702) 460-6752” is a Las Vegas, NV based phone number and the registered carrier is Pacific Bell Mobile Services. However, due to number portability, some numbers have been transferred to a new service provider other than the registered carrier. |
A two-minute snapshot of two lives 3000 miles from me. I hope he has free long distance.
I have my e-mail set up at work to automatically append my “signature” to my e-mails. Below my signature, this gets added:
The Eleven Commandments by Ian Percy
- Help each other be right, not wrong.
- Look for ways to make new ideas work, not for reasons they won’t.
- If in doubt, check it out. Don’t make negative assumptions about each other.
- Help each other win and take pride in each other’s victories.
- Speak positively about each other and about your organization at every option.
- Maintain a positive mental attitude no matter what the circumstances.
- Act with initiative and courage as if it all depends on you.
- Do everything with enthusiasm, it’s contagious.
- Whatever you want, give it away.
- Don’t lose faith, never give up.
- Have fun!
A colleague and friend, Philip, responded to one of my e-mails, and he added this, which had me on the floor laughing:
My Personal Eleven Commandments:
- There is NEVER a good reason to enter a Wal-mart.
- A little vermouth in a Martini is too much.
- There’s nothing wrong with being wanton.
- Recreational drugs are called that for a reason.
- Hell seems a much more rocking place than the alternative.
- Shrieking is a perfectly viable form of communication.
- If God didn’t want us to talk about you, he wouldn’t have made you so crazy and wrong.
- Wearing socks with sandals is a sign of the end-times.
- I believe in the Rapture but worry about the amount of American cars and country cute decor that will be left behind.
- No one tells me when to shut up and go home – without some slapping going on.
- I am worshiped and adored.
And then, Peter, his good friend and cohort in anything Philip does, added his:
- Get out of my way…I’m coming through and I am better than you.
- FABULOUS can be spelled with five letters…P E T E R .
- There is hell on Earth – it’s called Wal-mart and the walking dead shop there.
- I have no regrets… I have memoirs.
- Yes – I am going to hell… so are you – and you should be scared.
- Shrieking is never ambiguous…
- If God didn’t make homosexuals, then why do so many of us say, “Divine.”
- John Martin needs a makeover.
- I’ll go home when I am good and ready…and usually when I do – the party is over.
- Please, please, please try and gay bash me – you will be in for the surprise of your damn life!!!
- I am worshiped and adored right next to Philip!!!