Svetlana, parking permits, and stamps go up…

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Today’s
The Enlargement Team must be busy finding new and improved ways to enlong my schlong. In the meantime, Svetlana calls…

This e-mail has it all: stereotypical Svet at the beginning of her name and just enough broken English to think, “Yeah, she really must be in Russia,” including the important details — she’s a natural blonde.

From :  SvetlanaBass <mallison3@hotmail.com>
Sent :  Saturday, January 7, 2006 9:11 PM
To :  “Me” <myluckyinbox@hotmail.com>
Subject :  Hello there..
—– Original Message —–

Sent: Saturday, January 07, 2006 12:21 PM
Subject: Hello from russia..
Hello have a good day, I am not sure where to begin,it is first time I try to use internet to meet the man but the thing is,that I will work abroad I can choice USA,Canada or Europe and I would like to meet the man to share free evenings and be my guide. My friends helped me to send a few letters to different address and I do hope that I am lucky to meet good and kind man.you should know that now I live in Russia and my goal is to leave this country because it is impossible to live here for young pretty woman. they tell I look well enough, I am blonde with blue eyes, I am natural blonde. I will send a few photos if you reply. if you don’t have; wife nor girlfriend ,maybe we could try to meet? I am free I have not children .and I have not boyfriend here. I am 25 years old, please write to me directly to my mail- nfruy1@pochta.ru See you soon, with great hope.

And my irreverent response:

From :  Me <myluckyinbox@hotmail.com>
Sent :  Saturday, January 9, 2006 9:11 PM
To :  “Svetlana” <ghsdvc.gbnds.com>
Subject :  Hello back..
Carpet match drape, Svettybaby, oh so nice. I sorry have not desire for svelte Sveta. You have brother with natural endowment and great hope? If so, send to him soon directly me.

I worked from home this morning as there was a huge traffic mess on I-40 due to an accident.

Over lunch, I stopped by State to pick up my “L” parking permit.

Am I the only one that sees a smidgen of irony in the fact that there are not enough places to park at the transportation department?

Not to be pot calling a kettle, but the young lady who helped me with my permit had the biggest ass. When she bent over to get something out of a drawer, her ass came out from under her belt and actually protruded upward. I remember thinking, “Girl, you need to stay out of the Breyers.”

From there I stopped by Arby’s for a lunch consisting of two Roast Beef Jrs. for $.99 a piece, and a cup of water.

I ate in, and then drove to work — traffic free.

I completed the summary of the 2005 results of my PBCs and entered them into the system today.

I stopped at the post office on the way home. Let me just ask you this. If you knew this was going to be the first day that people were going to need $.02 stamps, would you think that you might consider staffing one extra person to take the next person in line who only needs $.02 stamps?

Or, hey, about this idea? PUT SOME $.02 STAMPS IN THE STAMP VENDING MACHINE!!!

I waited 30 minutes to buy $.02 stamps to mail 4 cards, through people picking up packages, mailing packages, taking care of misrouted mail, changing their address, etc. etc. etc. [And, yes, I know the two extra “et cetera” are redundant. They’re functioning as hyperbole. Work with me here. I’m pissed.]

I got 60 of these:  $.02 Cent Stamp

I thought the design on this new stamp was of DNA strains or chromosomes, but it turned out to be Native American jewelry. Jewelry, the next best thing to DNA.

I met Joe for dinner at Los Tres Magueyes, where he noticed just in time that the coupon I was going to try and use for our dinner was for Las Magaritas.

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